This new year has started and someone very dear from our family has left us alone in our forward journey. So, there is one person less now, who loves me the way i am - imperfect. And, sitting here so far from your roots, you wonder why have you come this far when you can't even see that person one last time. As you get the news on phone, your memory goes in flashback unfolding every minutest detail about that last meeting, their characteristic nature you had never really cared for with an empty feeling in your gut - you feel pity on yourself, helpless for the things you thought you will say someday or gift or make that person feel special.
And if i take this an indication of God, i really need to mend my ways to treasure people who have been in my life. I may have not said how important they are? And how much i owe my happiness to them? How much my life stories are weaved around them? But really, how often we do that - i somehow survive keeping both side of my families together with almost neglecting friends, not that i want it that way. But as you mature in life, as i have grown in my life - i find solace in low maintenance relationship based on understanding or detached yet in-sync. Rather than 'trying hard to please you' types - with women its even more complicated. If its with me it has to be real - the world is already full of fake people.
Even then, i have felt quite often its been so hard for me to tell my family & friends how much i value them for being there because its like you rarely express love to those who you love the most ! For the simple reason that your existence is so dependent on them and you can't imagine your life without them. And i don't know how many of these relationships will stand through the test of time without me showing gratitude or simply put - me being me.
Death is such a leveler. One news of a near and dear one send shivers down your spine and you get so insecure about losing people that makes your life your's. I am telling myself not to over analyze or over think about it. I am learning, i will learn, its about the memories you make and remember even when that person is not there if your life.
Sharing a touching advert i saw recently.
Poem by: Daniel Titz & Dorian Lebherz, John Reilly
Walking the roads of our youth
Through the land of our childhood, our home, and our truth
Be near me, guide me, always stay beside me
So I can be free
Let’s roam this place, familiar and vast
Our playground of green frames our past
We were wanderers