Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

13/11/2015

कौन कहता है हमे देश याद नहीं आता Part 2

सांभर खाओ और देसी मसालों के गुण गाओ. 
Read Part One Here

कौन कहता है हमे देश याद नहीं आता
आता है साब, बहुत कस के आता है

जब यूनियन सिटी सनीवेल सेनहोसे फ्रीमोंट सैकरामेन्टो
पलो आल्टो की गलियों से १०० की स्पीड से कोरोला गुजरती है

मिलियन डॉलर की इवैल्यूएशन वाला
हर घर कुछ कहता है

इंडियन ब्रांड के रूपा डॉलर के कच्चे
बच्चों की लक्स कोज़ी की बनियान

आंटी का लाल पेटीकोट कॉटन सारी ब्लाउज
और  डोसा बैटर का भारत बाजार में बिग साइज

चीख चीख के यह कहता है
की बेटा रे इस इलाके में  देसी टेकी ही रहता है

गली गली में क्रिकेट खेलते बच्चे
सलवार सूट वाली परमिंदर आंटी

बार्ट ट्रैन स्टेशन में
पैराशूट और डाबर आवंला हेयर आयल की महक

हैदराबादी बिरियानी से ले के
जलेबी कचोरी पानी के बताशों के लिए

लम्बी कतारें
वोह मंदिर के ग्रीन कार्ड वाले पंडित जी का आशीर्वाद

जब जब डॉलर लुढका का
मम्मी जी की कसम खाके कहती हूँ

27/09/2015

कौन कहता है हमे देश याद नहीं आता

Taken on Pier 39, opposite Ghireradelli chocolate factory.
This pic is attached here in a sense ki desh yaad aata hain
to boat se tair ke ghar jaane ka man ho jata hoga to shayad
thoda emotional connect lage hahahah !
Please pardon me !

कौन कहता है हमे देश याद नहीं आता
हर रोज़ आता है सुबह छो बजे
क्योंकि अब दरवाजे पर कोई घंटी बजाने वाला नहीं है
रोज़ सुबह काम वाली बाई की वोह मीठी मीठी बातें, उफ़

आज तक से भी तेज अपार्टमेंट की गॉसिप्स
और ड्राई फ्रूट्स और घी पॉट की मॉनिटरिंग
अजी  नहीं रहे वोह खेल अब हमारे
और उससे जो टेस्टोस्टेरोन की डोज़ मिलती थी वोह भी नहीं रही

अब क्या बताएं कितनी याद आती है  वोह
एंटरटेनमेंट से भरपूर बाई
हर  वाइफ का नेशनल स्पोर्ट होता है
उसकी काम वाली बाई

हमे मिला क्या इस देश में  ?
एक नीरस डिशवाशर और वैक्यूम क्लीनर
लानत है !

सुबह उठने के बाद कोई ताजे  दूध का पैकेट पहुँचाने वाला  नहीं है
अब कोई सुबह साढ़े पांच पर यह पूछने वाला नहीं है
की मैडम वोह कूपन तो आपने नहीं रखा है
पर झोला रखा है, दूध देना है ना

अब कोई बालकनी में उत्पात मचाने वाला नहीं है
क्यूंकि जनाब इस शहर मे तो बन्दर या तो टीवी पे या जू में दीखे हैं
इंडिया की  तरह कौन फ्लोरा फौना का सीमलेस इंटीग्रेशन कर पाया है
वोह भी अर्बन लैंडस्केप में?

बोलो बोलो !

अजी ख़बरों की तो पूछिये ही मत

24/01/2015

A Cup of Tea in Solitude #IndiSpire49

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.”
Honoré de Balzac 
Living in rich diversity is a quentissential part of being Indian. Our county has ability to give birth to alteast 10 more countries, if not more.  

And our diversity is not just limited to the people having different skin color, religion, case, creed or language. Its vastness embraces the other domesticated forms of fauna too.

Such as lizards (chipkali), cockroaches (tilchitta - as per google), mosquitoes (machar) , mouse (chooha raam), housefly (makkhi), cat (billi mausi), monkey (bandar mama) and pigeon (kabootar ja ja ja). 

You might have not thought about it in your general day to day senses, who has the time to do that. But you will agree with me that these 8 creatures are very much part of an Indian middle class family aka extended family. Each one of them giving us company in not so lonely household, already bustling with people.

18/01/2015

Dental Porn to Panacea !

If the word ‘porn’ has excited you to read this post, you are going to get disappointed my dear or maybe not. Anyways, you are not going to believe me and still delve into it. Welcome on board.

One of the side effects of pregnancy is gums swelling, which I had when my daughter was born. The release of certain hormones which you don’t wish to know, I am sure, makes the gum prone for infection. The bad deal about this is you can’t have medicines since you are carrying, at first go. But if it’s unbearable you go hell bent on antibiotics. 

I was not so lucky. 

The Karnataka Rajyotsava falls on November 1st, which is a state holiday and religiously followed. And I happened to lose virginity of my gums around that time and survived the pain all throughout the day and night waiting for a sight of dentist, more than the fully grown 9 months baby kicking me every now and then. 

Whatever. 

After surviving the longest night having more than 12 hours, we met dentist next day. She gave painkillers and I happened to deliver on 5th. This was in 2012. The day when I realized god was preparing for this havoc and giving me poor signals of what labour pain is though he missed his anatomy classes and got away with it, since he is he – God (god damn it) ! 

Two years later, I don’t what the connection is with Nov 1st, same episode got repeated. This time too, my gums acted and screamed like virgin pinacolada. My first reaction was, how my gums got pregnant this time, they didn’t have even have **x? But I said to my gums, Shut up yaar, you have been doing **x on the beach over blue lagoon, now call your bloody mary to take you to the dentist. 

With a series of drinks, that I never had, and sweets which I only engulf thrice a week - yesterday, today and tomorrow, it had to happen sooner than this. 

I was shaken and not stirred. 


And we went again. During the drive, like a wise women that I am becoming with blogging heheheh, I thought my wisdom tooth is erupting. Finally, giving me a dental certificate of words, that, I am going to utter or rather learn how not to chew words and put my foot in your, oops my mouth. 

08/01/2015

Visit To Dentist and Remembering Raju !

Recently I have got a pearly white ‘composite filling’ tooth. They call it number 7. With all our childhood memories goes to saluting the dental hygiene of Raju in a classroom in front of Master Ji, I guess I missed my lessons.


Raju tumhare daant to motiyoon rahe hain jaise chamak!
Kyun ho Master Ji! Main Dabu Laal baby Manjan jo estemaal Poker hoon!


Earlier Master Ji and now me, we both envy pearly white teeth. May be Sinha Ji has better dental set up though he is very particular to expose them through a heartfelt laughter, as if giggles are taxed. He has questioned the lack of discipline, with which I am raised in childhood (including other aspects as well) and attributed my not brushing teeth before bed tea to that. 

365 days x 5 years, there is not a single day when I have asked him like a doting wife that I am, for a cup of tea and he replied, “Let me brush”.Hope you had read my account on why bed is taken..."Bed Tea Lovers Tell Me"?

Read related post, Dental Porn to Panacea

14/08/2014

Deaf Mamma at the Gym - Part 2

But one fine day.

This hot bod female in her body hugging t-shirt, shorts and primary school girl like waist came in.

I could hear the announcement, self proclaimed gym instructor is thrown from her ivory tower of  fitness and the obese protégés can go and join new master trainer. And in no time, I-thought-so loyal uncle and aunty was checking the new chick for tips - muted but eyes rooted, of course. Yes, in South India, you do whatever but you have to meditate - means - keep your mouth shut all the time. Be it gym, lift, department store, changing room, ladies spa, steam room, swimming pool, bhajan, keertan. 

Empty vessels are not allowed to make sound and filled ones don't bother of what you think of them or they practice yoga.

Saans andar kheenchiye, bahar chodiye. Heheh




19/06/2014

Bed Tea Lovers

Every morning siting on this dining table, i wish,
when will he break this good habbit ? Others will follow.
Tell me, should a person do a heavy exercise like brushing teeth, before reaching to a simmering cup of bed tea. 

My vote is no. But how do i tell Sinha Ji, to stop acting like a warden.

I tell you, there are so many if and buts that, are hidden beneath a love marriage, one of them is how to prioritize brushing your teeth to shine out pearly white enamel. 

This is beyond common sense for me.

16/04/2014

किसी से कहना मत / Kisi Se Kehna Mat (NaMo)



अरविंद जी आपने तो कर दिया प्रूफ़ 
आप हैं सबसे बड़े पॉलिटिकल स्पूफ 

आप मेरी माने तो,

28/02/2014

Bean Bag Parenting & Ranting - Part 1

I am done with these oldies. You guys indulge.
zzzzZzZzZzzzz
We usually spend quality time on weekends, late nights when our bundle is tucked warmly in the quilt. He with his drink, i with mine discuss the weekly happenings and how we survived or manipulated or laughed or made fool of our selves. Off late, these discussions have become the only me time we get to spend with each other and share our sob stories about how much we crave for our previous lifestyle. 

The talks start with us claded in our respective tees & checkered boxer shorts (should be declared as national hassle free best dress) thrown deliberately on bean bag, HP and Toshiba romancing with each other lying carelessly over deewan and newspaper /magazines all over the living room...

"You remember we went to Church gate that night. ..... Pause....Hunhh?"

02/02/2014

Ek Slice Bread : Won't Quit on You, Ever !

Snoozing your alarm beyond a point can make you miss the most important door bell of the morning. And it means your taaza morning is gone testing the efficacy of vim bar with no Ram Kapur and Priya  by your side, just mumbling and fuming. 

Thank god today was not such a morning. But something else was in store.

How can i spent hours in the rush hours of morning, on a paint website without the help of Ask Aparna to chose pastel hues is beyond logic, almost touching insanity to my Roarky. And when i was so engrossed in the do or die decision of my...no...our lives, the ever 'i am getting late-  i have a con call' daddy in the house pressed the quickr button on me for some bread toasts.

18/01/2014

Maiya Mori Main Nahi Makhan Khayo/ मैया मोरी मैं नहिं माखन खायो


Liquid Gold for Health
This morning i have an agenda to interrogate the other lady in the house, our house maid, Ms H. I consciously wish to conduct aap ki adalat on weekends rather than a weekday as the hearings of our conversation can make the breakfast go late and everything lags behind thereon.

She is one happy go lucky person with the quality to deny and decline requests made for dusting or cleaning the glass windows on the spot. Without batting an eyelid such public pleas head for doomsday. And we have learnt to respect our mutual dislike for each other on such occasions only on one condition that the kitchen - the heart of the house should be spic and span as shown in the modular kitchen pamphlets. 

 Agreed. 

However, as in lately, i have noticed to my disdain that, by keeping everything spic and span she has taken it literally and also included the ghee pot in the list. Yes, the overflowing ghee pot is very close to a house wives heart, more so, if your roots goes back to braj/brij/ब्रज nothing like it.

Although, I can turn a blind eye towards this, thinking as one of the bal Krishna leelas and playing the bhajan in my head "Maiya mori, sun maiya mori, main nahi makhan khayo...Main balak bhaiyon ko choto...choto, yeh jhinka kis vidh paayo" , but I won't. Bhaiya re  !  i have some responsibility towards carrying the crown of house wife or not !

Being a brajwasi (people belonging to Mathura - vrindavan belt) my profound love for anything made out of milk - malai, rabri, ghee, makkhan, koya, paneer, chach, lassi, kheer, peda, chena etyadi cannot be ignored.

13/01/2014

Sholay Unplugged Version : 2014

Gopalan Cinema Matinee Show, Bannerghatta Road

After Chatti, Annaprasan, Mundan, First Birthday, one more ritual an Indian toddler celebrate and its equal to achieving a milestone...their brief brush with Bollywood. Very much part of our lives and be of your little one too, sooner or later. When she will grow up to question us, looks that time is not very far, she will taunt, why we chose this movie (almost 39 years old). As her friends would have made a debut in Bollywood with not such an oldie.

But on reading this post, she will understand why we the visionaries did it. And like her nana-nani I will also take her to movies only on one condition, like, we were supposed to answer during our movie outing...what were the lessons learnt ? Her nana ji is quite adamant on having this discussion after every flick. Even now, we discuss all this movie stuff on phone. They watch movies latest by Saturday but i am not that fast particularly these days.

Getting three generations of Sinhas together for a movie was a difficult task, has it not been Sholay - a classic from 1975.

The exponential growth curve of age went up and up like...sanvi, her chachu, mummy, papa, dadi and dada, respectively. There is no quizzing atleast with this set of family. The movie is actually a todu one, with entertainment quotient for anybody between a toddler and senior citizen, such is its charisma. We stepped in to a house full theatre brimming with movie buffs, cruised to our aisle seats, grabbed our popcorns and colas, little scared of the toddler accompanying us than the Gabbar.

19/12/2013

Hail Housemaids With HR Practices



Whatever the truth is, the clear global winner is House Maids in #Khobargade case . Until few years back, I too was living in the myth that education, employment and freedom of choice are the harbinger of women's empowerment. I was so wrong, such dimwit. With humility, after marriage, i soon accepted the fact that your 'home sweet home' cant be left abandoned with you having a traveling job in custody of your loving husband.

As, by all means they showcase their hostel or bachelor days living skills each day without fail irrespective of when they had last attended the college. They are and will always be a fresher at home when it comes to house keeping. On return, I have had actually excavated fossils out of our refrigerator and seen cockroaches inviting me for having a la carte gourmet dinner.

So, ladies you may not like it , but the truth is, finding a right house maid is the first step towards women empowerment followed by her continuous skill up-gradation and retention.

19/08/2013

Deaf Mamma Turns Geek



A just born infant is akin to a newly assembled computer worked upon diligently for 9 months. So, technically, the delivered product is good to see and touch, can be collectively called hardware. Software, on the other hand, refers to the instructions, or programs, that tell the hardware what to do. Oblivious of this fact, the delighted couple is nothing but happy looking at the brightness of LCD monitor (read fairness/weight of the baby) for several days, weeks and months until its in a hibernation mode (first 3-6 months).  

20/12/2012

Facebook or Fakebook - Likaria Infection on the Rise




If a survey is to be conducted, to identify the most overworked organ of the body...a unanimous winner will be the 'Left hand Side Thumb"...'Thumbs Up' ! When Charles Darwin was growing his hair on pretext of solving the human evolution puzzle, little did he wondered about this physiological metamorphosis of human limb and how surreal its existence is going to be for Fakebook. Or if years ago Coca Cola knew the worth of its taste the thunder logo, Mark would have had to pay a fortune to buy its royalty.
 

Due to over working of this trivial organ and building up stress on "Thumbs Up" a pandemic disease called "Likaria" is on the rise, which attacks in during teenage or any and by the time you reach mid 30s or within a year, it almost becomes incurable.