18/01/2015

Dental Porn to Panacea !

If the word ‘porn’ has excited you to read this post, you are going to get disappointed my dear or maybe not. Anyways, you are not going to believe me and still delve into it. Welcome on board.

One of the side effects of pregnancy is gums swelling, which I had when my daughter was born. The release of certain hormones which you don’t wish to know, I am sure, makes the gum prone for infection. The bad deal about this is you can’t have medicines since you are carrying, at first go. But if it’s unbearable you go hell bent on antibiotics. 

I was not so lucky. 

The Karnataka Rajyotsava falls on November 1st, which is a state holiday and religiously followed. And I happened to lose virginity of my gums around that time and survived the pain all throughout the day and night waiting for a sight of dentist, more than the fully grown 9 months baby kicking me every now and then. 

Whatever. 

After surviving the longest night having more than 12 hours, we met dentist next day. She gave painkillers and I happened to deliver on 5th. This was in 2012. The day when I realized god was preparing for this havoc and giving me poor signals of what labour pain is though he missed his anatomy classes and got away with it, since he is he – God (god damn it) ! 

Two years later, I don’t what the connection is with Nov 1st, same episode got repeated. This time too, my gums acted and screamed like virgin pinacolada. My first reaction was, how my gums got pregnant this time, they didn’t have even have **x? But I said to my gums, Shut up yaar, you have been doing **x on the beach over blue lagoon, now call your bloody mary to take you to the dentist. 

With a series of drinks, that I never had, and sweets which I only engulf thrice a week - yesterday, today and tomorrow, it had to happen sooner than this. 

I was shaken and not stirred. 


And we went again. During the drive, like a wise women that I am becoming with blogging heheheh, I thought my wisdom tooth is erupting. Finally, giving me a dental certificate of words, that, I am going to utter or rather learn how not to chew words and put my foot in your, oops my mouth. 

So, an appointment was taken to pay and sit on the most expensive couch while other people take a full monty of your most revered dental parts. At first, like a new bride on a wedding night you are smitten when the dentist says, sit back and relax. A friendly gesture making you comfortable before the show begins. 

“Open” 

“Open it wide. Wider”. 

“Hold it right there”. 

“Don’t touch it with your tongue”. 

Suction please. Mamma suction. 

Probably, dentistry is one such practise where saliva and lubrication loose its prized sheen they get otherwise for foodgasm. And, if you have had experience of listening ‘your sales pitch sucks’, now is the second stage. Every time Dr said, Mamma suction, with all her tools inside my floral oral playfield testing my love for sweets, I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Imagine how I would have looked? 

Please don’t. 

It took me couple of sittings to not laugh, a few gentle scolding from the Dr with showing her big kohl eyes. 

The assistant’s name is “Mamma” and he is quite versatile. He is an attendant, opens the clinic, saaf sufai, asking yen maartaidiraaha (what do you want). And post that, when the gig begins, he proudly extends his skills to a qualified orthodontist with promptly putting a pastel colored bib around your neck. Now you ask me who Deaf Mamma respects more - My Suction Mamma. 

Khair, yeh bhi sahi hai. Ek hai gi deaf mamma, ek hai gi suction mamma. 

The status is, you are lying at 160 degree angle with already four pupils dilating looking on your unsolicited gum pregnancies, asking probing question about previous miscarriages (induced or natural). The oral striptease was going fine, until another dentist joined in. Two more dilated pupils of a pupil arrives with a lethargic but eager pace. 

And the conversation begins.

"Oh, you can see this sub mucous inflammation. The membrane, the discoloured enamel."

"See the caries. No. 5, 7, 9, 3405."

"The infection has gone to the roots."

At that moment, I hated that quick / eager learner in that intern. I hated all her inquisitiveness to know more about the subject and probing qualities supposed to be sign of a good researcher. I hated them all from the bottom of my rot root canal.

The only brownie point, I have given her, when she handled me the ‘shade card’ for selecting the color of the crown. The hollow fake covering after the RC is called a crown. I truly admired her for her thoughtfulness as a women and appreciated her though she hasn’t invented it. Choose my white or pale white or pale yellow.

Mera wala peela safed.

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PS: Dental Panacea is actually the name of the clinic. 

This post is written as part of Write Tribe Pro Blogger Challenge and The Ultimate Blogging Challenge

4 comments:

  1. I could feel the pain! I have a visit (read several visits!) to a dentist coming up and I'm not sure I should have read this! ;)

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    Replies
    1. Heheh. And imagine the business opportunity a dentist have. All 32 !

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  2. I've had a root canal--painful. However, I didn't know about gum problems during pregnancy. May your days be filled with peace from now on.

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    Replies
    1. Fingers crossed and a self control to say no to sweets !

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