10/04/2014

9. I am Fat, Imperfect and Real Foodie



Read sequel post, Humour is The Medicine for what ?

Today I went to the mall and I felt fat. Fat as in fat. Just fat. FAT. Say that loud with me to scare it away Ffffffaaaaaaatttttt.......

If you agree that you won’t tell this to anybody, I am willing to share, how much weight I accumulated in those 9 months of my life. 

How does it matter, at the end of the day? 


It does yaar !

All the slim fit shirts, trousers, front buttoned sheer shirts, belts, high heels have gone on a vacation looking at my milching cow version. Leaving me all alone. What I am left here with, some XXL kurtas, Patiala salwars, maternity gowns with all possible zips on right places, loose loose very loose t-shirts (like those middle class uncle with a paunch who go bonkers on the Goa beach looking at bikni clad firangs) ? Shorts don’t look decent anymore. If I wear them now, they can be mistaken as something else or if by mistake i am caught in them gasping for fresh air. 

Moreover, there were so many people in the house, all i looked upto was for some me space and time, but its most elusive. In India, a woman don't give birth to a child. A complete household does that, false surrogacy you may name it. 

Just picture this. In a 2BHK flat at one point of time, there were 12 fully grown people were staying with 1 toddler and one new born. And this is when, we are not poor but we love to snuggle during wedding, child birth and thousands of other cultural ceremonies. And as you know, we are a nation of billion lazy bums. We practically hire a help for anything which goes beyond routine daily living skills, which include attending nature's call, brushing your teeth, having a bath and then covering ourselves under cotton. 

With 14 living things in house, we had two more people in the name of support service. Our housemaid and cook.

My new best friend, a bunch of Holstein !

The 300 word limit is pulling my pyajama now, a quick gyaan - When the house is on fire, your weight doesn't matter ! What matters is your ability to laugh on yourself and move on from paneer tikka masala to moong dal halwa...burppp ! 



To be continued...

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PS : Watch my fav. song Lakh 28 kuri da 47 weight kuri da. Dilijit yo yo Honey Singh
Lak thirty four mommy da, eighty five weight mommy da. Deaf Mamma yo yo Honey Singh !

Read my other posts from alphabet I
1- If Only I was Back from Dead (Weird, Love & Relationships)

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This post is written for April A to Z Challenge 2014, serial number 402.  

16 comments:

  1. We obsess far too much about weight and it is used as a tool to beat people with. We are not fat people or thin people, we are good people.

    A friend of mine went to the doctors who said 'you're border line obese' to which he replied 'Ah, so I'm border line thin then?'

    Another was told by the doctor that he needed to get in shape to which he replied 'round is a shape'.

    You seem a nice person to me and I'm enjoying your blog.

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    1. Exactly, if you can't win over her watch her vital stats and snap ! And hey, thanks for dropping in. I have some catching up to do in reading. I am caught with some busy for nothing work.

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  2. "In India, a woman don't give birth to a child. A complete household does that, false surrogacy you may name it." You surely have a way with humor. Why not a book?

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    1. Thanks Amrit, thing is my writing is way to simple for people to pay for it ;p

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    2. And perhaps that's why people could relate to it :-)

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  3. One side effect of getting fat after childbirth is that one's relationship with the mirror goes sour.

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    1. Not only mirror but anything to go with hoisery ;p

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  4. This is the one thing I didn't enjoy about pregnancy. After three kids, my body will never be the same.

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    1. Hi Cheryl, i havent yet talked about strech marks. The personalized tattoos engraved by our progeny !

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  5. I haven't had a child and I'm fat too- oh well!

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    1. Cheers to our glowing skin and the food we enjoy Kate. I will catch with your blog, really running behind for few days. And hey, thanks for vising us.

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  6. this one is damn humorous!! Love the way you express:)

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    1. Shall i say Mooo Mooo that's what cow does.

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  7. Ranjani RamanMay 30, 2014

    Nice article !

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  8. Shikha Sharma ThakurMay 30, 2014

    Shweta Chooramani same pinch. You filled the feelings with words. With me now with two super active kids i have even stopped thinking abt it , the only time i think abt weight is when i find my 28 size jeans lying in lower shelf of cupboard. Well loved the pinch of humor.

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