First Love to Break-Up #Condition_Serious_Hai

First love, first date and first kiss are moments made to get etched in your memory forever, only to be cherished later. They are the moments who teach you about relationships and their innocence. One such memory, relationship thread is stuck almost chocking me these days. Its a piece of bad cholesterol stuck somewhere near my vena cava. 

Today its cathartic release is necessary to clear shelves of my heart. I was writing on valentine's day post, my little one did something which make me go in my past. I hope Suri Saab won't mind because it was this very my old flame who got me introduced to him.

We got into a banal relationship more out of need than out of cupid's archery. In such affairs you know that the future is not long term or bright to say it right, but at that very moment you assure yourself, this is the best deal i can get in this small town and you shake hands. Mundane hi hellos turn into late night calls, exchanging smses, getting to know each other to bits and pieces. You start spending leisure time together, sometime casually, sometimes you plan and sometimes because you had no other plans. He also made himself available for you, cent percent. Eventually,  as the time flies, you discover the weak links in your spouse that switches you off and extract the hidden irritant in you. You both argue, hang up, mash up but recoil again to manage. You keep telling lies at home and keep on siphoning the hostel pocket money on him, mindlessly.

While all this chakkar was going on, I was in my Post Grad. Its supposed to be the make it of break it year for those who have repeatedly failed in the entrance exams zone after class XII. Apparently, back home all your family + joint, Tau Ji-Tai ji, Bhaiya Bhabhi, Dr Didi Jija Ji, Dubai wali Mausi Ji, your papa's friends-cum-everything the Sharmas-Agarwals-Goyals-Srivastava Uncles, Shukla Ji IIT wale bete ke papa, Kohli Aunty vohi jinki beti ekdum makkhan jaisi gori chitti hai (i thought AMUL is pale yellow), Upadhyay Ji's  dono bete ek hi attempt main UPSC crack kar gaye (UPSC na hua muaa murgi ka anda ho gaya), eyes are on you. Oblivious of such limelight and consequences of being in such a high alert zone i was singing love duets with this idiot.

I don't hate you, just that i love myself more. 

On Mummy Papa's 25th wedding anniversary, our big bhaiya threw a lavish dinner party at Radha Ashok. This love lorn also took her boyfriend to attend the family festivities, we fitted like a glove. As we were chit chatting in a quiet corner, giving away smiles while sweeping Paneer Tikkas off the plate, on lookers-gossip queens-Brijranis gave me full vigilant looks. First scanning me and then him to the closest details possible i hope they didn't succeeded until triumph ;p. Some of my self appointed in-house khabari spitted gathered venom later, "Didn't Sonu already burnt a hole with her expensive medical coaching,  that Bhai Saab is again repeating the same mistake? " Even some of my close cousins expressed how we both are not made for each other and don't look like The Couple,  others said why are you wasting time on him? Papa was clear, focus on your studies, campus placements are round the corner.

Although, our relationship remained unfazed by such prejudice  of looks and caste only to die a natural death, later.

I was riding high on the dreams of making a career or to get atleast a job in Public Health with a dash of lemon management. I was spending more time in company of my bday gift Thinkpad and evenings in cozy company of books at library. I was getting attracted towards newly found list of shining armours - Philip Kotler, Jack Welch, Ricardo Semler, Steven Covey, Ayn Rand, Juran etal. Learning was opening jammed khidkis of my bheja to extrapolate it on my boy friend and deep fry my current relationship. I could relate to each and every part of it. 

Kabhi kabhi mere dil main khyaal aata hai, that how come nobody i know has ever applied the tool of Six Sigma in the matters of heart and love. I strongly endorse to all the love birds to let their bond of love go through Juran's DMAIC* (Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve, Control) or DMADV (Define, Measure, Analyze, Design, Verify) process. If your spouse is not cooperating to go through the rigour, you do it by yourself. It's the most sure shot way to eliminate any possible errors or possible defects as you strive to quench your thirst for perfection. So, next time don't let media berate you as a 20-20 fast pace bowler not meant for test cricket "commitment phobic" on the pitch of love. Please educate gossip mongers as you march for the statistical modelling drive to find a decent defect free product boy/girl friend. Statistically speaking, its completely okay to dump him to keep a check on quality - ought to be free of any manufacturing defects (3.4 defective parts/million). I did it and i succeeded. 

DMAIC Process of Quality Control

*Women species are advised to not get fixated on 'Improve' and likewise Men species on 'Control' stages respectively. 

To be with Juran, i had asked some me time from him and he found it rude and his disapproval made a dent in our on-the-rocks relationship. Like a free bird, i can be myself without him and still enjoy, but he himself can't do that. So the classic issue of "give me space" started to make way in our whatever left bond and he wasn't liking it . Things went so out of hands, that he chose to remain silent when i am speaking and vice-versa. So much so that we started having arguments every now and then. The cute looking couple gleaning with pinkey cheeks were facing the wrath of domestic violence in closed doors of hostel room. The worst was coming true like a nightmare. My once cozy arm candy was slowly turning to be a decorative accessory only to open mouth when signaled or release his frustration by giving me a cold silent treatment in solitude. 

What happens in such affairs where families are involved, you couldn't just get out of them. They become obligatory. Since I knew him through my Bhaiya and now i had met his didi too, spoke to her several times, i was feeling suffocated, finding ways and means to unload this baggage "kehne ko hai bahut kuch, kis se kahen". But small town people believe in the power of love and so did we.We both decided to give a peaceful hearing to each other at his cousin's place in Jaipur. Where his sister counselled me politely, nice lady she was, that this wouldn't happen again. We decided to mend ways and focus on placements and let our differences take a pillion ride. We were mending ways. I was getting used to his obsessive compulsive disorder of writing love letters/e-mails/lovey dovey msgs on regular basis. Things started to improve.

Veer Zara movie had released during those times. After a small tiff, i left to watch it alone with a bunch of friends. That day, my mummy called him several times to check is everything is going well between us. But i knew deep inside, his #conditionserioushai.  I was wondering jhelofying him for 20 more days is torture, and there is no Shahrukh Khan or Preity Jinta here. True to my gut feeling, within a month he asked me for some money for his night outs as he felt discharged after series of our ugly fights. I knew he was becoming an addict. That was it for a self respecting conscientious woman. I was turning a blind eye, nodding no ruling out a spat and he chose to become deaf.

Post that, we both never really reached to a common plateau and insecurities were riding high as ever.

To mask his inabilities and poor intellect, he wouldn't allow me to speak with anybody or will make those long faces if i am speaking with somebody, constantly poking me from behind to cut it short. I had started to gasp for space and people around had started to take notice too. He and anything associated with him was becoming an embarrassment for me. The first kiss had started to lose its sheen. The last nail in the coffin was when he did all what he could to make me almost miss my first job interview in Hyderabad. The dream of getting placed in an international NGO was this close to me when this spineless creature threw his tantrums, male chauvinist pig. I somehow managed that interview and bagged my first job and came back listening to one of my fav. song in the 36 hrs train journey.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door

I had to find the passage back

To the place I was before

'relax,' said the night man,

We are programmed to receive.

You can checkout any time you like,

But you can never leave!

I had made up my mind. To dump him was my fundamental + quality adherence right and i faintly kept repeating Eagles 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'. Darling, i had dumped you for being a frog in a well, lack of wifi ness, pathetic networking skills, giving me no space to express my creativity and limiting your vision to black & white with no scope of up-gradation to suit a flamboyant personality. 

I am sorry, but do i regret dumping you ? May be just old simpler times spent together. 

These days while nibbling Gingerbread  Ice-Cream Sandwich in Blackberry dip, i dream about eating away the most expensive Apple available in market

PS: Sanvi continues to take revenge to pulp my first love against the floor and i tell her to finish the son of a finnish, as i conclude this post for Cadbury contest*.

*This post is written for the Cadbury 5 Star #ConditionSeriousHai Contest, for launching their new advert committed to gulp the disease of Seriousness. 

As a tribute to those marred by Seriousness, readers please join Cadbury 5 Star Facebook Page
to eradicate it from the face of earth. 

Image Courtesy : Google.com
Video Sourced from Youtube.com



  1. love reading ur blogs...

    1. Deaf MammaMay 07, 2014

      Thanks Chetna for visiting us. Be our guest daily and discover new post.